Hi, my name is Bill, and I’m a firm believer in Jesus Christ. I know without Him in my life, I would still be struggling with depression, anger, guilt, and control issues—the list really does go on.

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Growing up, my mom made sure we were in church. Unless I was sick, I was there. And looking back now, I’m so thankful for that. She cared enough to make sure God was part of my life from the beginning. My dad was different. He didn’t go to church, and honestly, I’m not sure he believed in God. What I do remember clearly, though, was his anger. There were times it really scared me. I told myself over and over, “I don’t want to be like that.”

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But as I got older… I started becoming just like him.

 

We didn’t have an easy life, but my dad worked incredibly hard. I remember a time he held three jobs just to provide for us. We always had food, clothes, and a place to live. At one point, nine of us lived in a small four-room schoolhouse—no indoor plumbing, no hot water, just a potbelly stove for heat. When we eventually moved into a house with running water and heat, it felt like we had made it.

 

I went to church every Sunday and was baptized in 1968 when I was a junior in high school. But after I graduated, I slowly drifted away. Even when I was still going, I wasn’t really “there.” I was just going through the motions.

 

As life went on, the distance between my dad and me grew. The anger grew too—both his and mine. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was carrying that anger into my own life, and it was shaping who I was becoming.

 

At 21, I got married. That marriage lasted six years, and we had three children—kids I love more than anything. But those years were hard. My wife struggled deeply, spending time in and out of psychiatric hospitals, and I found myself trying to be both mom and dad.

 

During that time, I hit one of the lowest points in my life. In the 1970s, I became so depressed that I tried to take my own life. I never told anyone. I put a .22 rifle in my mouth… but I couldn’t pull the trigger.

 

Looking back now, I know exactly why.

 

God wouldn’t let me.

 

Even when I didn’t see Him… even when I didn’t acknowledge Him… He was there, watching over me.

 

In June of 1977, my first marriage ended. A couple of months later, I met the woman who is now my wife. We connected right away, and four months later, we were married. By God’s grace, we’ve now been together for 47 years.

 

But it wasn’t easy.

 

My anger followed me into that marriage, and it almost destroyed it. There were times she nearly left—and honestly, she would have been justified.

 

But she stayed, largely because of her love for our children.

 

We were going to church during those years. I even served as a deacon and an elder. But the truth is, I was still just going through the motions.

 

Then something happened at church that deeply hurt both of us, and we walked away.

 

For 15 years… we didn’t go back.

 

During that time, my anger came back stronger than ever. I was becoming the man I had promised myself I would never be. And I hated who I was becoming.

 

For years, I kept telling my wife, “We need to find a church.” But we never did anything about it.

 

Then in May of 2016, everything changed.

 

My son had just had back surgery and could barely walk, but he told me he was going to church that Sunday—even if he had to drive himself. My wife was out of town, so I told him I’d take him.

 

And I am so thankful I did.

 

That morning, sitting in that church, God spoke to me in a way I had never experienced before. Through the pastor’s message, it felt like He was speaking directly to my heart. I couldn’t stop crying the entire sermon.

 

In that moment, I knew—we were home.

 

From that point on, everything began to change. We got involved, joined the church, and started growing in our relationship with Christ. We became greeters, joined Bible studies, and for the first time, I wasn’t just going through the motions—I was actually living it.

 

God began to change me from the inside out.

 

He restored our marriage. He healed things in me that I didn’t think could be healed. He drew me closer to my children and gave me a new perspective on life.

 

In 2018, we moved from Ohio to Florida and started attending First Baptist Church of Umatilla. We absolutely love it here. My wife serves in the café, and I help with outreach cameras, volunteer as a prayer warrior at the soup kitchen, and teach a Monday night Bible study.

 

I’m also involved in Celebrate Recovery—and that’s been life-changing for me.

 

Through Celebrate Recovery and working the 12 steps, I’ve learned how to fully trust God. I’ve learned how to surrender control. And maybe the hardest thing of all—I’ve learned how to forgive.

 

Not just others…

 

But myself.

 

For years, I couldn’t understand why God would forgive me, but I couldn’t forgive myself. But I’ve learned that if God has forgiven me, I need to accept that forgiveness too.

 

So if you’re sitting there thinking you’re alone… or that no one understands… or that you’ve gone too far…

 

You haven’t.

 

God sees you. He loves you. He hasn’t given up on you.

 

There is nothing you’ve done that He cannot forgive—you just have to come to Him.

 

I’m living proof of that.

 

If God can take a man like me—with all my anger, my mistakes, my past—and give me a new life…

 

He can do the same for you.

 

Let Him take control.

 

I promise you… your life will never be the same.